"None of us has time to manage our texts and emails, so if I'm finding the time to manage this, there's something typically going wrong."Denial: "If you say, 'You're on your computer a lot,' and they emphatically deny it, that's a sign there could be guilt," he said, "because if they aren't doing something inappropriate they won't really protest."Coping with the problem Is it possible to rebuild a partnership once the trust has been broken?
Therapy is usually needed to address the problem and its fallout.
I was co-hosting a company-sponsored discussion last fall, open to the public, about coping with divorce. The whole affair was online."The man added that his marriage had ended partly because of it — but still, he needed clarification about whether that Internet relationship constituted infidelity. Several people in the audience nodded "yes," followed by a response from our expert on hand, therapist and author Ross Rosenberg, who specializes in treating sex addiction."Cheating is when you are verbally, emotionally or physically intimate with somebody other than your spouse or partner," said Rosenberg, author of "The Human Magnet Syndrome: Why We Love People Who Hurt Us" (PESI Publishing and Media).
A member of the audience shared with the group that he had discovered his wife was involved in a cyber affair."Is that considered cheating? "This can become an affair when there is a relationship ...
The experts shared tips for coping with a cyber affair or flirtation, whether you're the culprit or the victim — and obviously, this advice has relevance for anyone dealing with infidelity of any kind: For the victim: Have compassion for yourself, said relationship expert Stacey Martino (loveandpassioncoach.com).
"They're going to be in shock and betrayal, and faced with the fear of having their life turned inside out, wondering how they're going to survive without their partner if things don't get resolved.
"You would never say to your third grader, 'Hey kid, I really love you but I'm going to be involved with this work project for a few years, so when it's done we'll catch up and I'll be really involved with you again.' That's absurd," he said.Smith in an article for the American Psychological Association, "Are Internet Affairs Different?" The freedom to fantasize, without the intrusion of reality — as well as the anonymity afforded by the Internet — also can be alluring.' They might not be able to cross that bridge of forgiveness with you."Forgiveness isn't easy."Forgiveness is a choice, it's not mandatory," Rosenberg said."People underestimate that trauma because no one talks about it. You have to understand what the person went through and give them the opportunity to let it go.So that needs to be addressed, preferably with a therapist." For the victim: Don't hang on to the blame game.Gary Neuman, author of "Emotional Infidelity: How to Affair-Proof Your Marriage and 10 Other Secrets to a Great Relationship" (Three Rivers Press)."And then you put a video game on or something." Oh, Jimmy. In maybe the best 9 minutes of television ever, Nicole Kidman revealed on Tuesday's "Tonight Show" that once upon a time she sorta, kinda had a thing for Jimmy Fallon. "And then you put a video game on or something." Oh, Jimmy. In maybe the best 9 minutes of television ever, Nicole Kidman revealed on Tuesday's "Tonight Show" that once upon a time she sorta, kinda had a thing for Jimmy Fallon. (Heidi Stevens)"I will have an easier time as a therapist if the couple walks in and the man or woman had random sex with a stranger than somebody who has found a best friend on the Internet and they haven't even touched," Neuman said."People hold on to the bitterness because they become addicted to the bitterness to avoid the pain they feel," Martino said."And they don't want to take any personal responsibility for fear that the end result of that sentence would be 'Because you're not worth loving.' (But) as long as you're blaming others, your life can't change."No more hiding.